The Nexus

Tim Chu
Richard Gonzalez (12), far right, and his younger brother Christian (9) have a conversation in sign language at the dinner table with their mom, Luz Adames, who is deaf. Richard and Christian attended school at the American Sign Language and English Dual in New York for four years in order to become more fluent in sign language.

When he was 12 years old, Richard Gonzalez (12) nudged his mom, Luz Adames, off as she approached him, too embarrassed to speak to her while his friend was over. He was uncomfortable talking to her through sign language, their only mode of communication.

His embarrassment magnified when she started to yell at him, her speech unclear. After Richard’s friend left, Adames sat him down for a talk.

“She told me that we aren’t close to our [extended] family because of the lack of communication,” Richard said. “She said that my little brother and I are the only family she has. If our relationship isn’t strong, then she [wouldn’t] have any family. When I brushed her off in my room, she told me she felt abandoned.”

Tears rolled down Richard’s and his mom’s face as she recounted her story.

“That day we grew closer in our relationship,” Richard said.

Adames said that although she felt disrespected when Richard ignored her, she’s now seen him grow out of it.

“I’ve seen the difference,” Adames said. “I know I risked a lot having that serious conversation with him early in his life, but I’ve seen positive changes and our relationship grow stronger.”

Adames was born deaf. She grew up in the Dominican Republic, mainly raised by her grandmother because her mother was in New York working to bring her family to the United States. She said she values her relationship with her sons because she grew up without many close relationships.

“As a child, I was close to my grandmother, but since I was the only deaf person in my family, it was hard to communicate,” Adames said.

Adames was able to learn Spanish in school and spoke it with her grandmother, aunt and a few of her cousins.

When she learned sign language, her mother refused to take sign language classes. However, her sister and aunt learned the sign language alphabet, a way for them to connect.

Before his parents separated, Richard said that he had a balanced relationship with both of them. He didn’t share everything with his mom like he does now.

“I didn’t have that personal relationship with my mother and I didn’t know much about the [deaf] culture,” he said.

Richard said that at first, the difference between his mom and his friends’ parents embarrassed him.

“When I first started elementary school, no one else had deaf parents so I felt embarrassed in some sort of way,” he said. “I was young and shy and when my mom would come in for parent meetings, I would tell her to not use her voice because it was unclear.”

Adames said that although it was difficult to teach Richard, her first child, to sign at a young age, it all paid off.

“After I taught Richard sign language, he became a part of me,” Adames said. “I worked hard trying to teach him [when he was younger] because I’m his mother and he needs me.”

While living in New York with his family, Richard and his younger brother Christian (9) attended the American Sign Language and English Dual to become more fluent in sign language.

Richard attended the school beginning in seventh grade and Christian in fourth grade. The school consists of students who are either deaf themselves, or have parents or siblings who are deaf.

For the next four years, Richard and Christian learned how to sign fluently and established relationships with other students. Richard said he still talks to them regularly through phone calls or video phones.

“One of my friends lived in my neighborhood and he has a deaf brother,” Richard said. “Since we grew up together, they became like family and to this day we still [keep in touch].”

The principal and most of the teachers at American Sign Language and English Dual were deaf. An interpreter was available for the students still learning sign language.

“Growing up in that environment was better for me than growing up where no one had any deaf relationships,” Richard said. “Through that, I grew connected to my mom’s culture and became more familiar with the language.”

Richard, Christian and their mom moved to San Diego just last year because Richard said his mom wanted to start a new life.

“Learning in that environment, I became a visual learner rather than hands-on, and so it was a hard transition to [Westview],” Richard said. “But my mom supports me in everything and she’s on my back about school.”

Though Richard and Christian’s lifestyle may be a little different, Richard said his brother allows him to have someone to relate to.

“Even though we bump heads because we’re both boys and so close in age, we have a real close relationship,” he said. “When it comes to our mom being deaf, we take pride in knowing sign language and even get overprotective when we hear negative things about it. We don’t approach the situation negatively, but we try to find out why they feel that way.”

At home, Richard and his younger brother can sometimes be loud because their mom can’t hear them, but it’s also sometimes difficult to get her attention.

“It’s a little different than other people in their houses,” Christian said. “[For example,] trying to get her attention is kind of hard because we have to tap on her shoulder or something, but I feel like it’s the same from what I’ve seen at my friend’s houses.”

Richard said that if Adames wants to get their attention, she’ll sometimes turn the light on and off in the room if they didn’t hear her at first.

Although there are minor differences, Richard said his day-to-day life is just like any other student’s.

When he arrives home from football practice, he’ll say “hi” to his mom and work on homework.

“But [my mom and I] have conversations every night,” Richard said. “Just regular conversations.”

“I feel like [my relationship] with my mom is the same [as other people] too,” Christian said. “Our conversations are just like any other family’s.”

Through these conversations with his mom, Richard is no longer embarrassed to use sign language nor hesitant to use what he has learned from his mom in the future.

“Since I’m trilingual, knowing English, Spanish and American Sign Language, I heard from a lot of people, like teachers and my family, that I should interpret,” he said.

For now, Richard continues to use sign language at home with his mom and her boyfriend.

He said that after learning about his mom’s culture and having a strong relationship with her, he isn’t only accepting of the culture, but is part of it.

“Now, growing up with [my mom] and noticing how people looked at us on the street when we sign, I’m attached to it,” Richard said.