The Nexus

On Christmas morning, Brian Hayes (10) sat in the living room, surrounded by scraps of brightly colored wrapping paper and halfway opened gifts. His mom worked in the kitchen, cleaning up the remnants of their traditional pancake breakfast and his brother lay beside the tree, sifting through the pile of presents.

But for Hayes, the holidays weren’t over yet. He still had a celebration waiting for him at his dad’s house.

A Split Christmas

Hayes’ parents have been divorced for nearly three years now, and every Christmas he spends the morning with his mom and the rest of the afternoon with his dad.

Hayes is one of the many kids in the United States who have divorced parents and spend the holidays separately with each parent. Of 153 students polled by The Nexus, approximately 20 percent of students have divorced parents. Among that 20 percent, more than half of those students split the holiday between both parents.

Hayes can remember a time not very long ago when his whole family gathered around him during the holidays. Back then, the traditions were different.

“We used to eat a huge Christmas dinner all together,” Hayes said. “But my dad has a girlfriend and my mom has a boyfriend now, so we have to eat separately, instead of a family meal. It can be sad to not be able to have family holiday times. It’s something you have to cope with and get used to. It’s just different than it was before they got divorced.”

Adriana Oliveira (12) shares a similar situation. Like Hayes, Oliveira’s parents divorced when she was young, and she said she knows full well that the holidays can quickly turn into a juggling act. On Christmas morning, Oliveira’s mom pulled up to the curb outside her dad’s house. Oliveira knew that it was nearly time to leave and that her mom would begin to get impatient. Her dad knew it too, but he kept stalling for a few minutes, reluctant to let her go.

Oliveira was supposed to spend Christmas Eve and morning with her dad, and the rest of Christmas day with her mom, but neither of them were willing to sacrifice any time with their daughter. Although Oliveira has spent Christmas separately with her mom and dad for almost her whole life, she said it can still be difficult.

“It can be hard sometimes,” she said. “Like when your dad wants you to stay later, but your mom wants you to go with her. They get along well actually, so it’s not an all-out battle, but it’s easy to feel tugged in two directions.”

Separate Celebrations

When Hayes celebrates the holidays with his mom, he said it is the quintessential “traditional” Christmas. A Christmas Story marathon, passing out presents and just relaxing with his family are all major components of Hayes’ morning.

But when he arrives at his dad’s, the “typical” Christmas he experiences with his mom soon disappears and Hayes’s competitive streak is brought out as the games begin. Last year after quickly opening presents, they started with a game of indoor racquetball. The ball whizzed by Hayes’s ear as his dad smacked it back to the wall.

In between hits, they bantered back and forth, playfully insulting and taunting each other. After his dad scored a point, Hayes turned all his attention to the game, not wanting to let his dad beat him again. Even though it looked like his dad was going to win, Hayes wasn’t disappointed. He knew that there would be plenty of more games to come.

After the racquetball games ended, they started a new game. This time, it was pool. For Hayes and his dad, playing such games is a typical Christmas tradition.

“When I’m with my dad [on Christmas], we always do sporty things like play games,” Hayes said. “Something I look forward to is the games. It’s really fun because I get to spend a lot of one-on-one time with [my dad], which makes us closer.”

Like Hayes, Oliveira has two very different Christmas celebrations.

At 11:30 p.m. on Christmas Eve, the festivities at Oliveira’s paternal grandma’s house are usually in full swing.

The house overflows with cousins, aunts, and uncles and children scurry from room to room. The celebration always starts when the clock strikes midnight.

Every year, the youngest children open a few presents early, in case they don’t make it until midnight, but with all the sugary foods floating around, it is doubtful anyone can fall asleep.

“We stay up all night on Christmas Eve,” Oliveira said. “And at midnight we open presents, because technically it’s Christmas Day and that’s not cheating. I have a huge family, and there’s so many people and laughter and noise. It’s so nice to be around that much family. It’s really more like a huge party than anything. And over the holidays, it’s nice to know you have that many people who love you around.”

After they open presents, the merriment slowly dwindles down and people begin to drift off to bed. But for Oliveira, the celebration doesn’t truly end until the next night.

Two typical Christmases

Oliveira spends Christmas Eve and morning with her dad and on Christmas day, she goes to her mom’s house.

She said the mood at her mom’s house differs from that at her dad’s because it is a much more subdued affair.

When she spends Christmas with her mom’s side of the family, they usually have a huge meal laid out for them, waffles and pancakes with whipped-cream and eggs.

Oliveira is still surrounded by family when she spends the holidays with her mom, but she said it is just a smaller, more intimate affair compared to the night before with her dad.

“It’s very different between my dad and my mom at Christmas,” Oliveira said. “With my dad, it’s loud and exciting, but when I’m with my mom it’s very laid back. We just eat brunch and open presents and talk. One isn’t better than the other. They’re both really nice, just different.”

Hayes also said he enjoys his unique Christmas tradition. Although it may mean sacrificing a sense of family wholeness, Hayes said he has adjusted to the way his parents’ divorce has affected him.

“Every year, it has slowly become more and more routine to have Christmas at two places, and by now I have become completely comfortable with it,” Hayes said.

For both Hayes and Oliveira, having divorced parents can make the holidays slightly more complicated. But they are both able to see past it and find the benefits in having separate Christmases.

“It’s kind of fun to get a change of pace over the holidays,” Hayes said. “It’s different, but it’s also good. It’s unconventional to some people, but for me two Christmases is normal. ”