The Nexus

Eileen Shi

A new game has come out, offering us a great way to weed out the romantically challenged members of our society.

For as long as our memories can serve us, we have always had to put up with the plague of those romantically challenged people who have managed to become all-too prevalent in every corner of the world.

But now the perfect solution has come to us in the most unexpected of forms: a videogame. The Love Plus game for Nintendo DS, currently out only in Japan, has shown itself to be a panacea to our awkwardness dilemma.

Love Plus is a virtual dating game, where one must court a variety of potential mates.

When a player is successful with one of the girls, he can start to build a relationship with her by going on real-time romantic dates, ‘kissing’ the girl goodnight and even holding her virtual hand.

The game is apparently so realistic and engaging that wives of owners of the game have started claiming that their husbands are cheating on them with their virtual girlfriends, and that their husbands are forming very real emotions for these very fake girls.

So not only is Love Plus a remedy for the romantically challenged, it’s also marvelous way for those ‘cheaters’ to do what they do best.

And here comes the larger application for the game. It does not serve the sole purpose of providing entertainment for these people’s sorry lives, but it can be used as a device to weed them out of the dating world, to weed them out of the reproductive process altogether.

I think we can all agree that the world would be a better place when not populated by large groups of socially awkward people with absolutely no conversation skills to speak of, groups of people whose sole purpose seem to be to make our lives more, well, awkward.

So, in order to improve our lives, we must introduce the romantically challenged population to this game early on in their lives.

Of course, we would need a system of how to decide whether someone is of the caste that requires removal; we would need to implement a system of detection.

The best way, as I see it, is for a new governmental committee to deal with this problem. Just as we trust the government to help keep our society safe from terrorists, we can trust them to keep us safe from these figures of awkwardness.

Once it has been decided that a person is of that caste, we would then supply them a DS with Love Plus, along with a plethora of other games to satisfy their needs for human interaction, affection, and their need for entertainment.

And you might be worried that our country would falter, would decrease in productivity due to the loss of potentially productive people.

But just because we are separating these certain individuals from our society, it does not neccesarily mean that we couldn’t benefit from them.

We would still grant them an education, and let them work throughout their lives, giving us all of the benefits of their innovation, without the delta of the uncomfortable effect they have on surrounding persons.

This way, they will be happy in their own worlds, and we will be happy in ours. Also, since they receive all of their affection from a game, there would be no real way for them to reproduce, thus gradually removing their kind from our society.

Of course there are some pop-up out-of-normal households, but we would have faith that the government organization would find them for us. It would be unfortunate for those individuals and their families, but it would be necessary for the greater good of our society.

We would have a perfectly functioning system to separate the undesirables.

Then, we could have a beautiful world. Then we would have a world completely free of the awkward.